Partner Attraction and Separation
The things that attract us to our partners may in the end be the things that seem to drive us apart as people seek divorce and separation. That can be one of the most painful aspects of the end of a relationship, because we may see our partner devaluing the qualities that they once loved about us.
That can feel like a terrible betrayal. Denigrating once loved qualities is a way that people can face the overwhelming decision to end a relationship. So, often it is not that we have become unloveable any more than we were at the start of the relationship, but in separation we can both lose the ability to put aside each others flaws because we are no longer idealizing each other.
We stop highlighting the positive and going softer on the less attractive qualities of our partner.
Counseling psychologists are able to help divorcing couples see how this is played out in your togetherness, and how you can cope with it when your relationship is coming apart.
Collaborative practitioners who are experienced in working with interdisciplinary teams understand the importance of complex emotional and relational dynamics in separation. It is not something that you will ever hear discussed in litigation or by a judge in a Court. Is that what anyone wants?