Sometimes we use assumptions to fill the gaps in our understanding.
Assumptions can fulfill our need to ‘know’ and to feel safe. But are we making ourselves safe from conflict, when we make assumptions because we lack the courage to ask questions or when we use them to replace communication?
When we believe something, we assume that we are right, and in defending that, we can damage relationships. When we make assumptions we think that our partner knows what we think, and that they think the same way. We don’t ask questions. We don’t communicate our belief. We interpret their behaviour in the light of our assumptions.
Assumptions In The Separation Divorce Process
When it comes to separation and the need to work out a Parenting Plan, division of assets, child support or spousal support, assumptions are indeed dangerous. It is important to find a separation process that will allow you to recognise your assumptions, to voice them, to check the perspective of your partner, to reality check your beliefs. Making assumptions about the meaning of our partner’s words or actions can lead us into perceptions that have no basis in reality, but which can easily become our story that we hold onto. Removing the story from our own mind or sharing it with our partner might require difficult communication, expert facilitation of conflict, counselling support, work with a child specialist or all of the above.
Counsellors, psychologists and a collaborative divorce process can help you with this and to free yourself from the burden of assumptions.
by Marguerite Picard, Divorce Lawyer and Accredited Family Specialist