Have you ever thought what the main concerns and actions are in having the modern ‘amicable’ divorce or a good divorce?
Source: Constance Ahrons of Collaborative Family Law group of San Diego
1. ACCEPT THAT ALL-OUT WAR IS NOT INEVITABLE. In fact, it is destructive. Mediation and Collaborative Divorce are two choices that aim to reduce anger between divorcing spouses.
2. STAY IN CHARGE OF YOUR DIVORCE. Remember, this is your divorce, not your lawyers.
3. SLOW DOWN THE PROCESS. Although adults often want to move on quickly, remember that children need time to adjust.
4. ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILD NEEDS–AND HAS A RIGHT–TO BOTH PARENTS. Even though you’re angry with your spouse, remember your children’s needs.
5. COOPERATE WITH YOUR EX FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREN. It’s one of the best gifts you can give your kids. Ongoing conflict between parents increases children’s distress.
6. DON’T BADMOUTH YOUR EX IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN. When you badmouth your ex to the kids you are telling your kids that the part of them that is like their other parent is bad too. It is bad for their self-esteem.
7. DIVORCE IS NOT THE END OF THE FAMILY. It’s important to your children’s well-being for them to feel like they still have a family. Help them to understand that the divorce means that they are now a dual-household family.
8. RECOGNISE THAT COMPROMISE IS ALWAYS NECESSARY. This is key to helping to reduce your anger.
9. LET YOURSELF FACE AND GRIEVE YOUR LOSSES. One of the big losses is the loss of future dreams. Just beneath your anger is sadness over the losses of those special things you might have hoped for in your future.
10. LET THE ANGER GO—AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. Holding on to hostility and anger is self-destructive. It keeps you stuck in the past and keeps you from finding new joys in life.