What happens to the idea of fighting with your spouse partner during and after your separation or your divorce, if you accept that argument doesn’t work?
One idea about arguing with other people is that it gives them the opportunity to dig further into their deepest beliefs, which actually strengthens their own view. Separation is hugely stressful; it is not a time when we want to cope with any more change than necessary. We want to listen to what keeps us feeling as we already do. That is going to be our own argument or the voice in our own head, and not what our spouse is saying.
Before you read further you may wish to watch this brief video with some ideas on how to agrue constructively in a relationship.
So how do we break this cycle so that we are able to discuss, and not argue, about the things that have to be organised after separation? Exploring our own convictions or beliefs might be the best way to lose them or at least lose our fierce attachment to them, so that we can hear our spouse instead of defending our own belief.
Working with a counsellor or psychologist is one approach to learning what it is about our own beliefs that might be getting in the way of real communication. This might be an unexpected win, for both partners that are involved in the relationship.